My Fellow Drivers

I know that driver's education classes are not what they should be, and I realize that for many of you it has been eons since you last stepped foot into a classroom to receive instruction about driving. I do not, however, think it is too late for any of you to learn. Please take the following advice for what it is worth, given the fact that I am the same person who was forced to collide with a stationery concrete barrier only a few short weeks ago.

I would like to talk to you today about driving in the rain. Let's say, hypothetically of course, that it is raining really hard outside when you have to leave for work in the morning. What do you do? Well, you go about your normal routine and get into your car for the morning commute. If this was your response, you would be wrong. You should probably allow at least an extra ten minutes to ensure safe travels to your place of employment.

So once you get on the road, what do you do? Do you A) Go 80-90 mph on the interstate like the speed racer you were born to be, B) Drive 40 because you are afraid of water, or C) slow down a bit and keep a close eye on those around you.

Well, this morning I chose C. I chose to be safe. I know it does not fit with more normal behavior, but I thought what the hell. Let's just go with it . . . see where it goes. So as I am being cautious in the nearly blinding rainstorm this morning I witness those who chose the other two options. What a joy. People hydroplaning near me, others backing up lanes of traffic. Oh how I love how people react to rain.

Lessons of the day: Be careful but do not drive like a snail. Be careful but do not speed even if you are late. Even if you are late it is not putting yours and everyone around you in danger. Think about the baby who is likely sleeping in the back of the mommy's car right next to you. And yes, that was a hopelessly low plea to human emotions. I hope it worked.

Boss's Day

So I was sitting at work a few weeks ago when an email popped into my Microsoft Outlook. E-mail is nothing unusual at my job, especially when it originated at a colleagues desk. I casually glance at the subject line to see what the office personnel (my "equals") desire of me now . . . only to realize that they want me to give them money to buy food to celebrate Boss's Day. The plan was, according the clip-art filled e-mail, to buy bagels and juice and other fun morning type foods to throw a breakfast social for our boss's to say "Happy Boss's Day Boss!" (****NOTE**** To read that quote accurately imagine the prissy cheerleader type, bob your head, smile fakely and read.)

Of course I have heard of Boss's Day. I have seen the endless number of cards in the super market and read the idiotic forwards from friends. I just think the day is stupid. For 5 days a week the peons of a company/firm/place of employment go to work and serve their employers. To ensure that a full pay check lands firmly in their grips on Friday the employee does what is asked throughout the week. The pay check arrives . . . it is great. If only it were the pay check of the individual the employee is working for every day. For all that the employees do for them, the employers seem to have no moral qualms taking some extra large portion of the proceeds.

So after all this work and slaving, the employees are expected to celebrate boss's day. I suppose we all just supposed to be glad that we have jobs and an income on which to survive . . . thus, we celebrate those kind enough to employ us.

That's just peachy, but I do not have to like it.

Despite my dislike I did the good employee thing. I took my money to the ring leader, helped pick out the treats and attended the little gathering.

Oh the joys of the things we do simply because it's an official "DAY" on the calendar. Good times.

Stop Being So Deterministic Already

I have a B.S. in Human Development and Family Studies. Yes, I have attended college and obtained a degree that is all but worthless in my current occupation . . . law. What exactly does one study to obtain a degree such as the one I have shamefully hanging above my desk in the office at home? Well, you study life span development; the physical, psychological, emotional, cognitive, etc. development of individuals and family over time. So I think it would be fair to say that I know the tiniest bit of information about what the "researchers" are saying about what are detrimental or encouraging signs during the course of one's development (although I would never call myself an expert or anything else loosely related to such a distinguished and coveted title).



What I do not understand is how there is still such an overarching assumption among the researchers and the lay persons insist on arguing that children who experience some sort of traumatic event in childhood will develop some sort of skewed sense of morality.



Explanations? Go ahead. Try me.



Of course the event(s) have an influence on the individual. After all, we are formed by those things we encounter and spar with throughout life. My question however pertains to the outcome, not the influence. Just because someone is influenced by an event does not necessitate a negative outcome. The outcome could possible be positive.



To all of those who assume that a negative is inevitable, that the behavior of the one who traumatizes will be repeated by the traumatized, abandon the deficit approach. Do not look at an event as something that is inevitable and try to prevent those who have been traumatized individual from having children of their own. Do not scoff at these individuals and tell them they will do to their own exactly what was done to them. Perhaps it is those of you who limit an individuals growth by pinning another into an inevitable outcome who should be held accountable when you are right.



Promote growth . . . don't limit with your presumptions and negativity.

Afternoon Debacle

After a rather demeaning and horrid day at work yesterday I ventured to my car to make the journey back to my place of residence where I would then pour a glass of wine and enjoy my evening. My plans were a bit flawed, I just did not yet know it.

Note: There are times when a bad day can definitely get worse . . . try not to think you have seen the worst of it at any point in time.

As I backed my car from the parking spot I noticed a fellow parking garage occupant backing from his spot. Now being the courteous and caring person that I am, I stopped my car to make room for his departure. He backed out successfully and pulled forward as though he were soon to be exiting the parking garage to his own safe haven . . . that place we all call "home."

At this point I decided I would venture out of my parking area once again. I put the car in reverse (a convenient step when you are trying to move the car backward) and eased the car back. I looked both ways (as we're trained to do from childhood when crossing the street while holding mommy's hand), and I noticed that my fellow occupant was backing up toward me.

Now if real life were like this blog I would have had more than ample time to analyze the situation. I would have realized that I could put my car into drive and move back into safety (the parking spot). Unfortunately, real life does not slow down long enough to evaluate a situation fully so I had to decide in just a split-second what I was going to do. I moved my wheel to get the back end of my car out of the way. Who wants to have an accident? Seriously. We all try to avoid getting hit when we can. So I reacted.

Now as I'm sure you're feeling proud of me for avoiding a near damaging experience . . . keep in mind that I was in a parking garage. Being the type of person who likes to avoid door dents, I had parked near the concrete support beam. Have you put it all together yet?

Yes, I definitely turned my car directly into a support beam while trying to avoid an accident. So close to safety and then BAM! Apparently not getting hit has a fair share of damage associated with it as well.

So now that you're probably laughing at me (which would be somewhat justified) I want to tell you the final part of the story.

Remember that guy who I was nice to . . . the one who later tried to hit me . . . well he saw the whole thing. Anyone want to muster a guess as to what he did?

He drove away. Yes, I am nice to him by moving out of his way and save him an ass ton of money and he drives away.

As though I did not already think the world was horribly unjust and full of hatred . . .

By candlelight . . .

5:45 a.m. *buzz* *buzz* *buzz*

I reach out of the bed and slap for the cell phone. It's time to get out of bed.

Two hours earlier, Curtis had told me that the power was out . . . did this process when later awoke for the day? Of course not.

I got to the bathroom to take my shower, but the light wouldn't turn on when I tried. I took my shower in the dark and got out to go dry my hair. It's an odd thing . . . hair dryers do not work when the power is out in the house. I plugged it in, flipped the switch and nothing happened. My frustration level was growing, but I finally realized that the power was out in the entire house.

I lit a few candles, turned on some music and tried to get ready. My hair was wavy, but finally dry by the time I had put my make-up on (very sloppily I might note). Then, as though I had not done enough silly things this morning, I plugged in my straightener so it could get hot. I finished my morning by getting my beverage, grabbing my soup and getting my purse together. I went back to straighten my hair . . . only to realize that yet another appliance wouldn't work without electricity.

Alas . . . the lesson of the day . . . if the power is out, don't try to use appliances.

"Not being able to govern events, I govern myself."

A quote by Montaigne that suits the day . . . or would suit the day if I were able to practice what the quote suggests.

I wholeheartedly (contrary to what many of you may suspect) believe that what Montaingne was saying about not trying to govern those things beyond your control is a healthy and productive way to go through life. If only it were that simple . . .

I wonder what Montaingne would say about interactions with other people who expect you to not only govern yourself, but to govern any event with which you are even vaguely associated. So if you touched a piece of paper related to a meeting you should be able to govern the meeting . . . in its entirety. This is my current situation. I am expected to control things and meetings that I never see nor attend.

So although I love the quote, it offers little assurance in situations involving people who expect more than is possible.

At least I know . . .

Things unsaid and weeks without words are often more powerful than pitiful, contrived, and demeaning efforts.

Is today the day?

Tuesdays With Morrie

Don't look so sad
because I'm gonna die, Mitch.
         
Everybody's gonna die.
Even you.
         
But most people don't believe it.
         
They should have a bird
on their shoulder.
         
That's what the Buddhists do.
         
Just imagine a little bird
on your shoulder...
         
and every day you say, "Is this the day
I'm gonna die, little bird?
         
" Huh? Am I ready? Am I leading
the life I want to lead?
         
Am I the person that I want to be?"

If we accept the fact
that we can die at any time,
we'd lead our lives differently.
         
So every day you say,
"Is this the day?"

http://www.script-o-rama.com/movie_scripts/t/tuesdays-with-morrie-script-transcript.html

Fitting

Have you ever been to a dress fitting? You know, trying to have an outfit sized so that it will fit you just right. The problem with such experiences seems to be that even after the outfit is fitted and everything seems to be just fine, something changes and the outfit no longer fits. Anyone even know what I am talking about?

Friends Forever?

Do you remember that song that was overplayed when we graduated from high school . . . you know . . . the one about how we would all be friends forever? If not, allow me to provide the lyrics for those of you who never really stored information and just memorized long enough to regurgitate it.


And so we talked all night about the rest of our lives
Where we're gonna be when we turn 25
I keep thinking times will never change
Keep on thinking things will always be the same
But when we leave this year we won't be coming back
No more hanging out cause we're on a different track
And if you got something that you need to say
You better say it right now cause you don't have another day
Cause we're moving on and we can't slow down
These memories are playing like a film without sound
And I keep thinking of that night in June
I didn't know much of love
But it came too soon
And there was me and you
And then we got real blue
Stay at home talking on the telephone
We would get so excited and we'd get so scared
Laughing at ourselves thinking life's not fair
And this is how it feels

[1] - As we go on
We remember
All the times we
Had together
And as our lives change
Come Whatever
We will still be
Friends Forever

So if we get the big jobs
And we make the big money
When we look back now
Will our jokes still be funny?
Will we still remember everything we learned in school?
Still be trying to break every single rule
Will little brainy Bobby be the stockbroker man?
Can Heather find a job that won't interfere with her tan?
I keep, I keep thinking that it's not goodbye
Keep on thinking it's a time to fly
And this is how it feels

[Repeat 1]

La, la, la, la:
Yeah, yeah, yeah
La, la, la, la:
We will still be friends forever

Will we think about tomorrow like we think about now?
Can we survive it out there?
Can we make it somehow?
I guess I thought that this would never end
And suddenly it's like we're women and men
Will the past be a shadow that will follow us 'round?
Will these memories fade when I leave this town
I keep, I keep thinking that it's not goodbye
Keep on thinking it's a time to fly

[Repeat 1 (3x)]

Well I just have to say that it's a sad realization when you graduate from college and look back at the friendships you swore you would keep when you left high school. After you reflect, you look at the friends you have as you leave college and wonder, is it even possible that these relationships will be any different? Sure, we have a lot in common right now, but where will a year find us? Will we still be talking? Or I will I lose even more people for whom I greatly care?

It's difficult to try to stay in contact with people right now because exerting the effort does not seem worth the effort when they all decide that they have bigger and better things to do.

So I don't think it's fair to say friends are friends forever. I think you should probably say friends are friends so long as both are willing to make a concerted effort to stay in touch. Memories are only good for so much, relationships and ongoing interaction seems to me to be worth so much more.

And yes . . . I am feeling particularly cynical about this situation.

Yes . . . There Really Are People This Stupid

Given the nature of my current employment, I found the following entertaining:

In the settlement of a class action lawsuit filed against a Boston area bank, the bank deposited up to $8.76 in each class member's account.

However, the lawyers' fees for the lawsuit amounted to $8.5 million.

In order to pay the lawyers who brought the lawsuit on behalf of the bank's customers, the bank then withdrew up to $90 or more from each customer's account.

Source: New York Times, "Math of a Class Action: Winning $2.19 costs $91.33" November 21, 1995

Related?

Let me begin by saying that I get it (it being the outlandish assumptions of my "fellow" citizens). I understand that it's difficult for you to see two people together who happen to have one characteristic in common and not assume that they are related. I confess, it is rare to see to red-headed individuals dating, let alone engaged.

Now to the fun part, the story. So Curtis and I are in line to check out at the Home Depot down the road. The woman at the cash register is struggling to find someone in flooring to get a price check on the rugs we were buying to put under Curtis' desks in the basement (yes, I did write desks as the in the plural). We were waiting patiently, thankful that the woman had not given up her efforts because the place was horribly understaffed on the fourth.

A woman approaches from behind. I notice that she is staring at us and moving around to look at us from different angles. CREEPY. She then made eye contact with me when she noticed that I was looking back. We both managed a nervous smile. I look back to the lady at the check out hoping that she would find someone soon. The woman behind us in line says "Excuse me. I hope this isn't too forward, but are you two brother and sister?" FORWARD? Hello??? YES, it is forward. I respond, "No, actually we're engaged, and not related at all." She replies, "Oh I'm sorry, it's just that your hair color is almost identical, and I just kept thinking to myself, it can't be, they seem as though they are married." WOW.

As Curtis and I get back into the car, I mention how frustrating it is that people regularly assume that because of our hair color ALONE, that we are related. I don't know about you, but I don't think that people make the same assumption about people with black hair, brown hair, or purple hair. I don't think we look at people who have glasses and assume they are related. Does one commonality automatically imply blood relation? HONESTLY.

Attention Parents

Attention all you parents of little bundles of joy. You newly blessed individuals who are looking into your children's eyes. I just wanted to tell you congratulates . . . and give you a bit of advice.

1. Yes, your child is likely adorable. The smile for pictures, and we save those moments where they are most darling. I too love children, so I can appreciate those moments, but let's all face reality. Children whine, cry, scream, and complain A LOT, and those around you who have not yet chosen to have children do not (in all likelihood) want to put up with you obnoxious child.

2. Amusement Parks are not a place for small children. They whine and cry as they get sun burnt while you attempt to enjoy yourself. You place them in these baby "slings" and tote them around all day only to wonder why, in 10 years, your child complains about his/her back. Think about the consequences of your actions, and perhaps even research the things to which you are subjecting your children (but perhaps I am asking too much . . . the general population researching? What was I thinking?).

3. Amusement Parks are not for hyperactive approximately 10-year-olds either. If your child is going to stand in line and sway back and forth careless of those behind or in front of him, he does not belong at the park. If he is going to grab onto the railings and swing his feet into those around him (who don't even know him), he does not belong at the park. If he is going to disappear frequently in line causing you to run after him and disrupt those around you, he does not belong in the park (GET THE PICTURE??!!??).

As you can probably tell based solely on this rant, I recently went to an amusement park and saw so many things that I would not dare even try to describe. I think the best way to leave this post is to say, the oblivious nature of self-centered and egotistical parents amazes me!

Seeking Assistant

Wanted: Legal Assistant
Ability to multitask is a must. Should be willing to work with 2-4 assignments full time. First emphasizes family values and family related issues. If you are a team player and could start immediately please send your cover letter and resume to the following:

Big Fat Liar
c/o Pain in the Rear
1234 Lawyer Lane
Everywhere, US 12345

When you look for a job, people will write and tell you things (such as the above). They often want you to be impressed by their firm/company/business before you ever step food in the door. What they don't write is any truth. They don't tell you how things would really be should you take the position. Again . . . they lie! If they were to tell you the trust, ads such as the one above would look quite different. One may read as follows:

I am a big fat liar so believe what you are about to read at your own peril. Our firm is seeking a masochistic individual who would not mind being the social outcast and verbal punching bag for those who endured such things long enough to again seniority (something few people actually obtain at our firm). We need someone who is able to multi-task to the Nth degree while also doing work for others that requires multitasking to the Nth degree. The winning individual will believe he/she has set hours, but really he/she will be required to work until all bins are empty at the end of the day. Individual should not be surprised when bins are full again the next morning either. Individual should be pleasant on the phone and courteous to all who visit. Should a lawyer not know how to write, spell or speak, translation skills will be necessary. Ability to speak Spanish and Solomonese is a plus.

SERIOUSLY . . . who would actually answer that ad. By the way . . . that ad does not even begin to do my job justice, it is simply something I wrote in order to release a bit of afternoon frustration earlier this week.

Computer Training 101

So you’re sitting at you desk and you receive an email that you need to log in to have an e-meeting with someone who works within your office (a different branch) and that you should be expecting a conference call in roughly half an hour. So you wait in anticipation for the training that you will receive over the telephone and Internet. You ponder the many things they could teach you about the software your new office uses that you have never used before.

The phone call arrives. You answer anxiously. Log in to the Internet program as instructed. And then the training begins.

The instructor says: “Now to begin your lesson we’re going to talk about how to turn on, log in, log off, and turn off your computer.”

You: OK (to self: SERIOUSLY? As the guy continues to ramble you begin to think. In order to get to the session you had to be on the Internet. To be on the Internet means that (at this office at least) you HAVE to be logged in using your user name and password. To be logged in means that you had to turn on your computer. Thus, couldn’t half of this lesson be deemed completely useless?

Next Lesson: Microsoft Outlook

Instructor: “Now to read the email that you have received . . .”

You: (to self: oh come on . . . you sent me an email which prompted me to be logged in to the program, wait for a phone call, and be in my office at a designated time. Is this a joke?)

Lesson on Microsoft outlook continues with more useful information that is specific to your office.

From the opening lessons taught to me by this instructor I learned the following . . .

There must actually be people out there who have the ability to read their email with no knowledge of Microsoft Outlook or how to even turn the computer on. Darn . . . those people are talented . . . perhaps they should have my job! (more seriously . . . I suppose there are people out there who could have had someone else get everything set up for them and then the instructor would actually be teaching something.)

Societal Gift Expectations

Last night I realized that I had not yet written thank you notes for the engagement and graduation gifts that I had received from friends and family. As I sat here for nearly an hour trying to make what I find to be a nonsensical tradition meaningful (by what I wrote inside), I stumbled into a particularly bitter state of mind.

Before graduation, it is traditional to send out graduation announcements. Then, the person who receives the announcement is expected to either show up with a gift or send one. Then, the recipient of the gift is supposed to write a thank you for the rather appreciated show of generosity. Let's examine this process a bit more thoroughly.

I send the announcements. If those who received the announcements do not with to break from societal norms (which could often result in a casting off by those who learn of their societal deviance) they WILL send a gift. And then, after shaking off my shock from the receipt of the gift, will write a thank you note for such an amazing act of generosity . . . but was it really generosity? Or was it just a reaction to the announcement they found in their mailbox?

The whole process seems quite ridiculous . . . but alas . . . I will of course be sending out invitations to my wedding in many months, and there will be a similar reaction. Over analyzing gift giving . . . what a day!

Wedding Bells

The day comes when a wedding date is set. The proposal was great, and the weeks that followed were wonderful, but now it is time to start planning. So who is in charge of the planning, and why is there a wedding ceremony in the first place? I suppose my actual question would be better worded as: Is the wedding really for the two people who want to spend their lives together?

In my own planning, and in the observations of close friends' weddings, I have noticed a trend. The wedding typically becomes more of a family social event with requirements pertaining to the guest list, what should be served, and where the event should take place. No wonder everyone says that wedding planning can be so stressful . . . there are so many people who think that there is ONE RIGHT way for a wedding to take place.

Oh the joys of being the one who tries to break away from the traditional . . . the next year will certainly be entertaining.

Keep Out . . . It's Private

Although I keep a journal, I don't think that I will ever understand the idea. I mean, think about it. We have something private that we want to say, so we run to our one notebook, or our computer file and we document (all in one place) our inner most thoughts. Then carefully we often write phrases on the cover or document that read: Keep out! Private! or For My Eyes Only. I don't know about you, but if I see something that says Private, I am suddenly become a rather curious person.

So after we put our thoughts in a public place (where almost anyone could read them if I they find them), we get defensive when someone finds out that we hate them, or that we are unhappy. We are outraged by the lack of privacy we "seemingly" have.

I suppose I just have to wonder . . . why would we even bother writing the things that can be found in our journals if there wasn't at least some small part of us that meant the things that our found on the pages? And if we mean the things that are found on those pages, how is hiding our thoughts and feelings away going to change any of the things we rant about?

(Note: I am not, as I may have at one point, advocating any form of total honesty. Some times there are things that we have to keep silent if we want to continue to exist in our current world and in our current relationships).

Why Defy Reality?

A new blog. A fresh place to release my thoughts for random and anonymous people to comment on my uneventful and rather boring life. So if you are one of those users, I shall do my best to leave you some room to comment.

Given the title of this blog, I thought it would be apropos to begin by address the obvious question, why would one want to defy reality?

Phone calls, job applications,, bills, cleaning, yard work, bills, relationships, obligations, bills. All of the aforementioned are things that may have been a worry from time to time as we have grown up, but they have never been a central concern. These things were never a concern because we were all institutionalized in this nice neat little system that we typically refer to as education. From the age of five we are sent away from home for 9 hours a day to "learn" while we manage to avoid the problems that are typically associated with what our elders call "reality."

When we decide that we are done going to school, we have to face that so-called "reality." Rather than a gentle transition, our introduction to reality often resembles a brisk walk across a plank and swift kick that sends us spiraling toward the water. When we hit the surface we feel the cold icy twinges of pain as what feels like nails pierce our skin. It takes us awhile to regain our composure, to realize that we do kind of know how to swim.

We start to paddle, and depending on how much we have been forced to learn during the few years prior, we start to make a bit of progress. Sadly, we have no control over how well we know how to swim. Unless someone has put us in the water earlier in our lives and tried to teach us how to paddle and kick, we will know little.

What we quickly realize once we start to paddle is that there is never a break. It is constant paddling. We are constantly trying to reach the surface so that we could have a break, and we never get there. We are always addressing some emergency, making important calls, finding jobs, working, paying bills, tending to obligations, working on relationships, etc. It doesn't end.

Why would we want to learn what the "reality" that our elders always talk about is? Why would we want to be part of a world where all we do is constantly try to make it to the surface that seems so far away. Perhaps I am just as cynical as I have constantly been accused of being, or perhaps I am just being realistic.

So my theory is . . . we should try to find a way to address the parts of reality that we must address while defy the reality that those mindless repetitious tasks are all that there is to life. We must defy the monotony and create our own reality. For this I think is how one should live life.