Seeking Assistant

Wanted: Legal Assistant
Ability to multitask is a must. Should be willing to work with 2-4 assignments full time. First emphasizes family values and family related issues. If you are a team player and could start immediately please send your cover letter and resume to the following:

Big Fat Liar
c/o Pain in the Rear
1234 Lawyer Lane
Everywhere, US 12345

When you look for a job, people will write and tell you things (such as the above). They often want you to be impressed by their firm/company/business before you ever step food in the door. What they don't write is any truth. They don't tell you how things would really be should you take the position. Again . . . they lie! If they were to tell you the trust, ads such as the one above would look quite different. One may read as follows:

I am a big fat liar so believe what you are about to read at your own peril. Our firm is seeking a masochistic individual who would not mind being the social outcast and verbal punching bag for those who endured such things long enough to again seniority (something few people actually obtain at our firm). We need someone who is able to multi-task to the Nth degree while also doing work for others that requires multitasking to the Nth degree. The winning individual will believe he/she has set hours, but really he/she will be required to work until all bins are empty at the end of the day. Individual should not be surprised when bins are full again the next morning either. Individual should be pleasant on the phone and courteous to all who visit. Should a lawyer not know how to write, spell or speak, translation skills will be necessary. Ability to speak Spanish and Solomonese is a plus.

SERIOUSLY . . . who would actually answer that ad. By the way . . . that ad does not even begin to do my job justice, it is simply something I wrote in order to release a bit of afternoon frustration earlier this week.