My Fellow Drivers

I know that driver's education classes are not what they should be, and I realize that for many of you it has been eons since you last stepped foot into a classroom to receive instruction about driving. I do not, however, think it is too late for any of you to learn. Please take the following advice for what it is worth, given the fact that I am the same person who was forced to collide with a stationery concrete barrier only a few short weeks ago.

I would like to talk to you today about driving in the rain. Let's say, hypothetically of course, that it is raining really hard outside when you have to leave for work in the morning. What do you do? Well, you go about your normal routine and get into your car for the morning commute. If this was your response, you would be wrong. You should probably allow at least an extra ten minutes to ensure safe travels to your place of employment.

So once you get on the road, what do you do? Do you A) Go 80-90 mph on the interstate like the speed racer you were born to be, B) Drive 40 because you are afraid of water, or C) slow down a bit and keep a close eye on those around you.

Well, this morning I chose C. I chose to be safe. I know it does not fit with more normal behavior, but I thought what the hell. Let's just go with it . . . see where it goes. So as I am being cautious in the nearly blinding rainstorm this morning I witness those who chose the other two options. What a joy. People hydroplaning near me, others backing up lanes of traffic. Oh how I love how people react to rain.

Lessons of the day: Be careful but do not drive like a snail. Be careful but do not speed even if you are late. Even if you are late it is not putting yours and everyone around you in danger. Think about the baby who is likely sleeping in the back of the mommy's car right next to you. And yes, that was a hopelessly low plea to human emotions. I hope it worked.

Boss's Day

So I was sitting at work a few weeks ago when an email popped into my Microsoft Outlook. E-mail is nothing unusual at my job, especially when it originated at a colleagues desk. I casually glance at the subject line to see what the office personnel (my "equals") desire of me now . . . only to realize that they want me to give them money to buy food to celebrate Boss's Day. The plan was, according the clip-art filled e-mail, to buy bagels and juice and other fun morning type foods to throw a breakfast social for our boss's to say "Happy Boss's Day Boss!" (****NOTE**** To read that quote accurately imagine the prissy cheerleader type, bob your head, smile fakely and read.)

Of course I have heard of Boss's Day. I have seen the endless number of cards in the super market and read the idiotic forwards from friends. I just think the day is stupid. For 5 days a week the peons of a company/firm/place of employment go to work and serve their employers. To ensure that a full pay check lands firmly in their grips on Friday the employee does what is asked throughout the week. The pay check arrives . . . it is great. If only it were the pay check of the individual the employee is working for every day. For all that the employees do for them, the employers seem to have no moral qualms taking some extra large portion of the proceeds.

So after all this work and slaving, the employees are expected to celebrate boss's day. I suppose we all just supposed to be glad that we have jobs and an income on which to survive . . . thus, we celebrate those kind enough to employ us.

That's just peachy, but I do not have to like it.

Despite my dislike I did the good employee thing. I took my money to the ring leader, helped pick out the treats and attended the little gathering.

Oh the joys of the things we do simply because it's an official "DAY" on the calendar. Good times.

Stop Being So Deterministic Already

I have a B.S. in Human Development and Family Studies. Yes, I have attended college and obtained a degree that is all but worthless in my current occupation . . . law. What exactly does one study to obtain a degree such as the one I have shamefully hanging above my desk in the office at home? Well, you study life span development; the physical, psychological, emotional, cognitive, etc. development of individuals and family over time. So I think it would be fair to say that I know the tiniest bit of information about what the "researchers" are saying about what are detrimental or encouraging signs during the course of one's development (although I would never call myself an expert or anything else loosely related to such a distinguished and coveted title).



What I do not understand is how there is still such an overarching assumption among the researchers and the lay persons insist on arguing that children who experience some sort of traumatic event in childhood will develop some sort of skewed sense of morality.



Explanations? Go ahead. Try me.



Of course the event(s) have an influence on the individual. After all, we are formed by those things we encounter and spar with throughout life. My question however pertains to the outcome, not the influence. Just because someone is influenced by an event does not necessitate a negative outcome. The outcome could possible be positive.



To all of those who assume that a negative is inevitable, that the behavior of the one who traumatizes will be repeated by the traumatized, abandon the deficit approach. Do not look at an event as something that is inevitable and try to prevent those who have been traumatized individual from having children of their own. Do not scoff at these individuals and tell them they will do to their own exactly what was done to them. Perhaps it is those of you who limit an individuals growth by pinning another into an inevitable outcome who should be held accountable when you are right.



Promote growth . . . don't limit with your presumptions and negativity.

Afternoon Debacle

After a rather demeaning and horrid day at work yesterday I ventured to my car to make the journey back to my place of residence where I would then pour a glass of wine and enjoy my evening. My plans were a bit flawed, I just did not yet know it.

Note: There are times when a bad day can definitely get worse . . . try not to think you have seen the worst of it at any point in time.

As I backed my car from the parking spot I noticed a fellow parking garage occupant backing from his spot. Now being the courteous and caring person that I am, I stopped my car to make room for his departure. He backed out successfully and pulled forward as though he were soon to be exiting the parking garage to his own safe haven . . . that place we all call "home."

At this point I decided I would venture out of my parking area once again. I put the car in reverse (a convenient step when you are trying to move the car backward) and eased the car back. I looked both ways (as we're trained to do from childhood when crossing the street while holding mommy's hand), and I noticed that my fellow occupant was backing up toward me.

Now if real life were like this blog I would have had more than ample time to analyze the situation. I would have realized that I could put my car into drive and move back into safety (the parking spot). Unfortunately, real life does not slow down long enough to evaluate a situation fully so I had to decide in just a split-second what I was going to do. I moved my wheel to get the back end of my car out of the way. Who wants to have an accident? Seriously. We all try to avoid getting hit when we can. So I reacted.

Now as I'm sure you're feeling proud of me for avoiding a near damaging experience . . . keep in mind that I was in a parking garage. Being the type of person who likes to avoid door dents, I had parked near the concrete support beam. Have you put it all together yet?

Yes, I definitely turned my car directly into a support beam while trying to avoid an accident. So close to safety and then BAM! Apparently not getting hit has a fair share of damage associated with it as well.

So now that you're probably laughing at me (which would be somewhat justified) I want to tell you the final part of the story.

Remember that guy who I was nice to . . . the one who later tried to hit me . . . well he saw the whole thing. Anyone want to muster a guess as to what he did?

He drove away. Yes, I am nice to him by moving out of his way and save him an ass ton of money and he drives away.

As though I did not already think the world was horribly unjust and full of hatred . . .

By candlelight . . .

5:45 a.m. *buzz* *buzz* *buzz*

I reach out of the bed and slap for the cell phone. It's time to get out of bed.

Two hours earlier, Curtis had told me that the power was out . . . did this process when later awoke for the day? Of course not.

I got to the bathroom to take my shower, but the light wouldn't turn on when I tried. I took my shower in the dark and got out to go dry my hair. It's an odd thing . . . hair dryers do not work when the power is out in the house. I plugged it in, flipped the switch and nothing happened. My frustration level was growing, but I finally realized that the power was out in the entire house.

I lit a few candles, turned on some music and tried to get ready. My hair was wavy, but finally dry by the time I had put my make-up on (very sloppily I might note). Then, as though I had not done enough silly things this morning, I plugged in my straightener so it could get hot. I finished my morning by getting my beverage, grabbing my soup and getting my purse together. I went back to straighten my hair . . . only to realize that yet another appliance wouldn't work without electricity.

Alas . . . the lesson of the day . . . if the power is out, don't try to use appliances.

"Not being able to govern events, I govern myself."

A quote by Montaigne that suits the day . . . or would suit the day if I were able to practice what the quote suggests.

I wholeheartedly (contrary to what many of you may suspect) believe that what Montaingne was saying about not trying to govern those things beyond your control is a healthy and productive way to go through life. If only it were that simple . . .

I wonder what Montaingne would say about interactions with other people who expect you to not only govern yourself, but to govern any event with which you are even vaguely associated. So if you touched a piece of paper related to a meeting you should be able to govern the meeting . . . in its entirety. This is my current situation. I am expected to control things and meetings that I never see nor attend.

So although I love the quote, it offers little assurance in situations involving people who expect more than is possible.

At least I know . . .

Things unsaid and weeks without words are often more powerful than pitiful, contrived, and demeaning efforts.